Well im sitting here at school waiting for my class to start at 2pm..i dont kno why i woke up so early to come in. I usually come in and hav like an hr to spare b4 class but for some reason i took an earlier train...gawd im an idiot.

there are some things that are bugging me, well always bug me..heres a list of some:

Family and my relationships with them
Friends and how we r not close anymore
School and how i seem to really suck at it
How i always seem to screw up something
how im losing my breakdancing skills
how i seem to suck at not progressing at guitar/drums
being so emo/depressed
being alone, not having a significant other
not being in love

things like that are bugging me and i dont kno how to get around them. like i know things will come in time but it seems like they wont. with all the things i do to try to get myself around it or to get to what i want things jus seem to fuck up.

like one thing that bugs me as well is being coloured. you want to know why? Well i'll tell you, for those who actually read what i have to say. I feel that i get treated differently cause im coloured. no matter who says colour doesnt matter there is always something in the back of someones mind that tells you, you dont like them and what not. like i can see ppl look at me different than my friends who are white. Like im pretty sure women would rather prefer a white man than a coloured brown man. LIke i know there are some ppl out there that really dont give a fuck what colour you are but around my area im pretty sure a lot of ppl are racist and so forth. *sigh* I just wish people wouldnt judge me based upon my looks and what not. but im sure everyone does, and im pretty sure even i do. fuck..i hate the way life works.

I jus dont know what to do now a days. I cant even turn to religion to help me. Cause i look at it differently now than i did when i was little and what not. LIke i dont like having to praise and worship someone who tells you to do this and that and if you dont you dont go to heaven and you'll go to hell. I hate how you have to pray to feel as if you will be accepted and will have good things happen to you. why cant they just happen? why do you hav to pray and go to a place of worship to feel better about your life. why cant you jus feel that way?? i dont get religion and i dont really understand it. I know im prolly pissing off those who actually go to church and worship jesus and all that. but like really its my opinion and i'll do what i want. I jus want to find hapiness, but i dont know if praising and praying all the time will help me to find that goal. *sigh*

I hate the way i feel...